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But I never told my bestie that we were spending time together, let alone that we were growing close.

My best friend and I have been besties since the fourth grade. She was with this guy for four years, up until early May of this year, when he suddenly decided to break up with her. I started hanging out with him about two weeks later, at first thinking I was just being someone to talk to.

I don’t say this to judge or to blame, but I think it is important to be clear about what has been happening.

She will very likely be devastated and feel betrayed by her best friend and by the man she thought she had a lasting future with.

Although her theoretical orientation is eclectic, she most frequently uses a person-centered, strengths-based approach and cognitive behavioral therapy in her practice.

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So a part of me wants to tell her in the hopes that she would be happy for me, but when I put myself in her shoes hearing this news, I think I'd be devastated.

If the breakup was mutual, your chances of success are much higher. “For example, would you still want to date this guy [if] your friend reveals to you, ‘The reason we broke up is because he cheated on me’? When deciding whether or not your friend’s ex-boyfriend could become your next boyfriend, take the length of their relationship into consideration.

If they were high school sweethearts and continued dating into college, dated for four years and finally broke up because they didn’t see themselves getting married (because marriage was on the table?!

What you can do is honor your long-standing friendship by being honest with her about what is happening, and own the fact you know you have hurt her.

Let her know you are sorry she is hurting, and allow her to react however she chooses to. I think you show wisdom in recognizing how you would feel were the situation reversed. Your friend may have a hard time being around you or seeing the two of you together. Mutual friends may weigh in on both sides of the issue.




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If I didn’t do it, and then someone else did, I’d be thinking, ‘Gee, I could have done that!


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