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Talk to me when you’ve had 40, then we’ll re-evaluate.” What I realized was that dating—at mid-life, with kids, careers and lessons learned from a failed marriage—was going to be much more complicated than getting to know the cute guy in Art History class. After four years of dating, more than 100 first dates and a few lovely but ultimately unsustainable relationships, combined with my professional experience as a psychologist, I have found that people go about the dating process has everything to do with whether they enjoy it and how successful they are.

This starts with preparing yourself to enter the dating world.

You will gain perspective on your marriage and yourself, and learn about things you want and don’t want in a relationship this time around.

You also will learn how to be a girlfriend/boyfriend rather than a spouse, which will take some time, especially if you spent a good part of your adulthood in a marriage.

[image: via shutterstock] Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with Meet Mindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

This healing work is best done in the context of individual psychotherapy or a healing-after-divorce support group to help you see your blind spots, unhelpful beliefs and stuck places. It’s important to explore that and own your part, seeing what lessons you can learn so that you don’t continue making the same mistakes.

First of all, before you even start dating, you need to give yourself time to heal, to get your new life in order and to learn how to be on your own.

We learned from Jerry Maguire that the ultimate in connection is: ; but that sort of dependence on another person to feel whole is not sustainable.

It will deprive you of an essential growth opportunity to gain wisdom, strength and trust in yourself.

At the age of 44, I found myself once again single after a divorce and ready to start dating. So after some trepidation, I found myself cobbling together a profile on

Bush (the elder) was in office and college provided all the men I needed to choose from.

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Here are some possible reasons behind the differing results. Back in 2010, no one would publish “smiling works great in dating photos!! The over-sifting of the data set likely obscured other trends that were more responsible for profile success than the photo characteristics the study claimed to be measuring.

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